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vineri, 14 octombrie 2011

Growing up is no fun…

It feels like growing up kinda kills the ability to dream… And I mean eyes wide open dreaming. Growing up – or getting old but that sounds kinda depressing, comes with a lot of responsibilities, comes with tasks and deadlines…

And goes away… And with going away takes away the ability to enjoy really simple things like smiles of beloved people, letting you believe that is something that you earned and deserve for granted.

It goes away taking away parts of you soul… It goes away and sometimes it forces you to let go for ever people you love… And you are left a little emptier than a second ago… And you are left with something sometimes very hard to bear: MISSING!!! So, growing up comes with getting empty too.

I found an old taste of my grandmothers’ cheese donuts. I felt happy and I remembered how easy it was being a child… This year I didn’t felt the smell of lilies of the valley much…

Invariably growing up leaves signs on faces: your mouth corners drop followed closely by the ones of your eyes.

What does good growing up? It gives you chances. One is the chance to reach wisdom. Another chance are special people you can cross you life with and the things that you can learn from them. You also have the chance to learn the lessons that you missed in other occasions. That is a very important aspect of growing up and getting wise.

For me wisdom is a goal and the comfort that I find in growing up. Not that I superabound now with this characteristic but I know were/how I want to be when I’ll be really grew up (yes, yes, very old, on my 70s – 80s)…

I think on past moments, on past friend(s) … I realize that a thread that has been broken it is no longer possible to heal it and make it as it was. I am on the time of accepting that friends, people who had left me in a moment and not coming back they have fulfilled their mission in my life and I should let them go. I should stop wondering “why?”. I should stop wanting an attention that doesn’t exists for me anymore. Moving further means letting go and that is what I should do. My present should be my focus. My present friends – and I mean by that people who are by my side Today, Now, should be the ones important. Regrets are a way of wasting a too large part of our precious time Here. I should not waste as life is not to be taken for granted! It is a gift given to enjoy not to be spent on regrets. This is the theory, should follow practice.

Recently life lessons made me rebelled being aware that it serves me not to do so. But my human nature is most of the times stronger than the divine one. And so I get to waste energy on thoughts that drain me, that are diverting me from my purpose… It is so much easier to fall into despair instead of keeping a clear mind and focus on reality and things to do to be better! And I know it only takes a moment to think that things are happening for a reason and that reason will unfold in front of your eyes if you only have patience! Nothing is random! Nothing happens just because! It is all part of a big scenario and there is a final destination for everybody. The focus shouldn’t be the finale – we all get there eventually; but how we get there should matter. “Life is the train, not the station”… Remember that always and you will Live! Not survive, Live!

The sky is beautiful in this moment when I write my thoughts. Clear, blue, a few white fluffy clouds on it on promenade… Autumn came after an agitated summer. Cold short days and long dark nights are coming …