Bucurie in frig

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Afara ninge, e un frig de te taie la oase si iti ingheata sufletul. Dar ea e fericita si iubeste pana si frigul acesta de care, de altfel, se bucura asa cum nu a mai putut sa o faca demult. Mii de ganduri ii zboara prin cap ca fluturii intr-un lan cu flori. Si isi iubeste si gandurile acelea multe... Pe unele le cearta, pe unele le accepta, pe altele le ocroteste ca pe comori prea-pretioase. Traieste fiecare respiratie fix ca si cum ar fi ultima, fiecare privire sau zambet sau prezenta. Simte oamenii din jur si se bucura cand oamenii n-o simt. Desi acum poate le-ar lumina un pic intunericul personal daca ar simti-o, emaneaza lumina. Desi acum poate le-ar descreti fruntile cu zambetul ei luminos. Poate acum le-ar alunga din demonii urati care ii bantuie pe fiecare cu energia ei miraculoasa. E absolut convinsa ca poate sa faca toate aceste lucruri si mai multe de atat. Asculta muzica sufletului ei si mai ca, acum, ii vine sa danseze de fericire. Ceilalti nu vad dar ea chiar danseaza. Vibreaza frumos, fix ca si corzile unui Stradivarius bine acordat... Pare ca a uitat de realitatea ei dar o las sa creada ca a uitat, ca realitatea e starea asta a ei de acum, de bine si fericire... Nu stie ca ar putea fi, dar are schelete in dulap pe care trebuie sa le scoata si sa le alunge. Acum vad ca nu are chef de curatenie si o las in pace. E ocupata cu bucuria momentului. Din astfel de momente isi iau oamenii energia si motivatia de a merge mai departe. Puterea de tine capul sus stiind ca daca il pleaca oricum sabia il taie asa ca macar sa se chinuie si sabia un pic.
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In the night...

In the night, the air has another smell than during the day. Another spirit, another thought! Night comes along with the darkness, the blindness for the ones who have daylight vision. Night brings silence on the air but torment in the soul, in the spirit, in between of the four walls of the billions of rooms of the human world and on the streets and corners. It puts imagination to work and spirit to walk. Dreams to rise and sweat of bodies. Colors become one and give the first voice to the sound…

In the night they discover each other fully, they touch differently, eyes wide opened and yet seeing nothing. Lips feel, touch, desire, bite! Fingers are rambling on each other’s bodies like wild horses on open field. Breath becomes faster! Desire becomes higher! The feeling of belonging disappears and all there is left is One: one desire in one embrace, at once for just one and last time! A desire that big that it feels like an ache, only an ache that provides pleasure and lust! Felt like never before, feeling like it will never come again to be felt! Her nails on his skin feel like grabs of life of a dying man’s wish. His strong and yet gentle embrace felt like an air-taking diving. Her skin’s scent drives him crazy as his breakthrough takes her higher then ever, were she only dreamed to get. They fall together embraced and mad with pleasure. Her nails are now wandering on her own sweaty skin, eyes wide shut, smiling sweet, guilty and sinful and mind so far away that only his soft lips encountering her fingers bring her back, next to him, taking her closer, pulling her next to his skin … They fall asleep naked as an unvoiced tic-tac brings the hateful morning through the window …

Hello, is there anyone anymore?

Did it ever happen to you to forget that you are alive? To forget about you and how you really actually are, what you really actually like? To wake up sometimes and realize that too many days passed without you saying hi to yourself, without knowing that there, inside you there is a someone who is frozen… YOU!!!

Aberatii ... (?)

Sa scriu sau sa nu scriu? Asta e intrebarea. Mi-e dor sa nu fac nimic... fara sa ma rup acum facand ceva. Mi-e dor, cateodata, de lipsa de responsabilitate. Mi-e dor de "jeo manfu-ul" acela caracteristic "fecioriei", cand nimic nu are sens parca dar e bine asa. Acum da, totul are sens, se vede si o directie, dar vai, asta presupune responsabilitate! Si maturitate! Si altruism! Si conlucrare! Si colaborare! Si multe, multe alte chestii de oameni mari! Chestiile de oameni mari, pe langa faptul ca sunt serioase, sunt si apasatoare. Pentru chestiile de oameni mari iti trebuie umeri ca sa le poti duce. Cred ca de aceea nu ramanem copii in structura fizica si crestem si ne "spetim": ca sa putem duce chestiile de oameni mari in spate! Totul este important, totul afecteaza jurul tau, deciziile tale nu trebuie sa mai fie asa, in doru' lellii! Inainte de a face/zice ceva trebuie sa te gandesti la consecinte! Asta e o chestie generala, de altfel, asa ar trebui sa lucreze toate mintile, de oameni mari sau mai putin mari. Dar parca intr-o situatie e mai importanta aceasta gandire decat in alte situatii...

In afara acestor idei (poate stupide, da' asa mi-au venit de repede ca as fi rupt tastaura scriindu-le) a venit toamna, alta toamna, deja la jumatate si intruna din zilele foarte recent trecute imi mirosea a iarna. Iarna lui 2011. Am 29 de ierni pe aici. Acum, iernile din urma, de la inceput, imi par ATAT de departe. Tin minte ca ma intrebam, copil fiind, "o sa ajung eu 29 de ani???Oau...Cum va fi?" Acum nu ma mai intreb nimic. Viitorul e tare ciudat si abia cand devine trecut realizez ca e bine. E frig. E seara. Vine noaptea, cand Soarele doarme, apoi ziua, cand Luna doarme. Si totul e o succesiune de neoprit de zile care se aduna ca nisipul in partea de jos a clepsidrei. Cand lucrurile sunt de cacat dar zicem "viata merge inainte" ea chiar merge. Si stateam si ma gandeam ca asta e singura cale de urmat si sansa pe care o avem sa evoluam. Ce-ar fi fost sa fi putut sa dam timpul inapoi pentru toate cacaturile? Te certi cu iubitu', da timpul un pic inapoi si nu mai zi ce-ai zis sau nu mai fa ce-ai facut. Trebuia sa predai proiectul dar nu l-ai terminat; da timpul un pic inapoi si nu te mai du la petrecerea aia plicticoasa si stai si fa proiectul. Stii ca ti se apropie ceasul despartirii. Dai timpul inapoi sa faci TOT ce n-ai facut? Este logica viata. Atat. Cine a creat-o, cine a inventat-o a fost un "creier" foarte ... vizionar. Destept lucru viata asta... asa cum e ea ...

Aberatii ...

Growing up is no fun…

It feels like growing up kinda kills the ability to dream… And I mean eyes wide open dreaming. Growing up – or getting old but that sounds kinda depressing, comes with a lot of responsibilities, comes with tasks and deadlines…

And goes away… And with going away takes away the ability to enjoy really simple things like smiles of beloved people, letting you believe that is something that you earned and deserve for granted.

It goes away taking away parts of you soul… It goes away and sometimes it forces you to let go for ever people you love… And you are left a little emptier than a second ago… And you are left with something sometimes very hard to bear: MISSING!!! So, growing up comes with getting empty too.

I found an old taste of my grandmothers’ cheese donuts. I felt happy and I remembered how easy it was being a child… This year I didn’t felt the smell of lilies of the valley much…

Invariably growing up leaves signs on faces: your mouth corners drop followed closely by the ones of your eyes.

What does good growing up? It gives you chances. One is the chance to reach wisdom. Another chance are special people you can cross you life with and the things that you can learn from them. You also have the chance to learn the lessons that you missed in other occasions. That is a very important aspect of growing up and getting wise.

For me wisdom is a goal and the comfort that I find in growing up. Not that I superabound now with this characteristic but I know were/how I want to be when I’ll be really grew up (yes, yes, very old, on my 70s – 80s)…

I think on past moments, on past friend(s) … I realize that a thread that has been broken it is no longer possible to heal it and make it as it was. I am on the time of accepting that friends, people who had left me in a moment and not coming back they have fulfilled their mission in my life and I should let them go. I should stop wondering “why?”. I should stop wanting an attention that doesn’t exists for me anymore. Moving further means letting go and that is what I should do. My present should be my focus. My present friends – and I mean by that people who are by my side Today, Now, should be the ones important. Regrets are a way of wasting a too large part of our precious time Here. I should not waste as life is not to be taken for granted! It is a gift given to enjoy not to be spent on regrets. This is the theory, should follow practice.

Recently life lessons made me rebelled being aware that it serves me not to do so. But my human nature is most of the times stronger than the divine one. And so I get to waste energy on thoughts that drain me, that are diverting me from my purpose… It is so much easier to fall into despair instead of keeping a clear mind and focus on reality and things to do to be better! And I know it only takes a moment to think that things are happening for a reason and that reason will unfold in front of your eyes if you only have patience! Nothing is random! Nothing happens just because! It is all part of a big scenario and there is a final destination for everybody. The focus shouldn’t be the finale – we all get there eventually; but how we get there should matter. “Life is the train, not the station”… Remember that always and you will Live! Not survive, Live!

The sky is beautiful in this moment when I write my thoughts. Clear, blue, a few white fluffy clouds on it on promenade… Autumn came after an agitated summer. Cold short days and long dark nights are coming …